what if we back way, way out and look at the enormous amount of lifestyle options these young adults have? Is it possible they are just overwhelmed with choice like shoppers in an oversupplied supermarket?
I really resonated with this piece as I am 27 years old and my whole adult life has been centered around the question of "What are you going to do next?" with the underlying context being: How are you going to be more successful in this capitalist society? How are you going to market yourself and mold yourself to make money? When I was 26 I resigned from my teaching job to pursue a different career. Before beginning a GIS bootcamp, I dedicated about 6 months to taking a bit of a break from working, and to planning my wedding, and going on my honey moon. After that, I did my bootcamp, and then began to apply for the jobs.
In total, I spent about one year unemployed and a lot of the time, I felt worthless and useless because I wasn't making money. I didn't want to feel this way and I realized that feeling this way was quite sad because my worth as a human being is not equivalent to the amount of money I earn or do not earn. My partner and I were living paycheck to paycheck on his salary, and he mentioned feeling like we were failing as a couple because we weren't making the kind of money needed to buy a home.
We are both quarterlifers and we both feel a great amount of anxiety in regards to making money.
I feel angry that for a while I felt useless and worthless because I didn't make money. I feel angry that the values in the society I live in impacted me so much that I felt this way.
I can really relate with a lot of what you’ve said. I’m a 32 year old male. Never been married though. But there is pressure put on us as kids to perform. There’s pressure on us to make good grades, to get good jobs, to get married and have a family, and other stuff. I’m from Louisiana, so I know that that kind of pressure is put on us in the south. I’m sure it’s very similar in all other areas of the US too. All this pressure can have a significant effect on our mental health. I know it definitely increases my general anxiety levels. I feel as though our American culture makes us develop our whole identity around working. It’s like we don’t get to have any other kind of identity. It feels to me like there’s a time limit to how long we have to ask a stranger what they do for work when we are striking up a conversation. As if though that is a mandatory part of how we converse as Americans. I don’t really like it.
But I also go to therapy once a week. I feel like therapy is vital for my development of a healthier mindset and developing healthier behaviors.
We absolutely live in a capitalist society, and that can really harm young developing brains.
Oct 1, 2023·edited Oct 1, 2023Liked by Satya Doyle Byock
I heard a very interesting thing at the eye doctor's the other day in conversation with one of the 50-somethings working there. We were discussing the relationship between money/currency and 20-somethings. She mentioned how frustrating it was to her to have younger employees coming into the office expecting to reach her position and pay level much more rapidly than she did. I and my partner did our best to compassionately receive her frustration and additionally offer some 20-something (and early 30-something) perspective. Starting at 45,000 and gradually, over the course of 20-odd years, climbing the ranks to a terminal salary of 115,000 is no longer acceptable. In the last 5 years (only!) the cost of an 'entry' level home in my neighborhood increased from about $300,000 to around $600,000. That's a down payment of 60-120,000 dollars, and a monthly mortgage (with the current interest rate) of, what, 4000 odd dollars? My partner after many years in a 'high-paying' industry had a salary of over 80,000 and a take home of about 4,000 a month after taxes. So how much does someone our age /actually/ have to make to afford a home with dignity? The ability to feed oneself comfortably? To go on the occasional adventure? To buy new books released by people whose voices we value? Probably a minimum of 115,000, at least in our area. Meanwhile, the older woman's house was paid off, and many of her other overhead costs were lower (I understand of course that she is worried about and saving for end-of-life costs which are also rising rapidly—a separate, though related, conversation), so that same 115,000 goes /much/ further for her than the same amount of money does for a Quarterlifer today. We are officially in an upside-down climate, where people at the start of their careers need to be making their terminal salaries upfront, and then gradually decrease over time as they acquire the various fixed assets which are more or less required in our society in order to fully participate in the public forum as a citizen. How do we hold with compassion the frustration of our elders? How do we reasonably advocate for the complete transformation of a narrative which wholly does not accommodate our present context any longer? Is UBI really enough? "The whole system must be dismantled and done over." Yes, of course. Can this be done without further global catastrophe, without guillotines? We are already in global catastrophe. I hold the immense and mounting tension, precariousness of our situation and pray for an unimaginable transcendent option to set us down a golden path where all can achieve a life of bliss and dignity. At times, praying like this feels like the only reasonable option left at present. And yet, it too feels inadequate.
Oh wow. I really really like what you wrote here. Things just seem so expensive nowadays. Especially a home. I’m 32 and I still live with my mom and dad. That alone makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I am failing because I don’t have a house of my own and a nice car and a nice 401k. There’s a lot of pressure put on young kids nowadays. I started to notice something strange when I was just graduating college in 2013, and a lot of the jobs I was applying for stated that 3-4 years of experience were required for just an entry level position. Like what? It’s an ENTRY LEVEL position. How can I have 3 or more years of experience when I haven’t even gotten the chance to enter the field yet?
For me personally, I am trying to start up an online business that will hopefully be profitable. If I can do that, then I can potentially move out of America, and live in a country that is more affordable. The way things are going in America......I am quite concerned. If I ever have kids.....I don’t really want them to grow up here.
I send my greatest blessings and comaraderie, wishes your way. For success, for a window into bliss on your path. None of this is easy. We are here together.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I resonate with all of this so much. I’ve read this three times. The reductionist view that ‘The numbers are fine, so why aren’t the people?’ Is so frustrating and limiting.
Oct 1, 2023·edited Oct 1, 2023Liked by Satya Doyle Byock
With Facebook introducing the like button in 2009, it feels plausible that it would take until 2011 for the systemic shift in self-conception it caused to be statistically represented.
what if we back way, way out and look at the enormous amount of lifestyle options these young adults have? Is it possible they are just overwhelmed with choice like shoppers in an oversupplied supermarket?
I really resonated with this piece as I am 27 years old and my whole adult life has been centered around the question of "What are you going to do next?" with the underlying context being: How are you going to be more successful in this capitalist society? How are you going to market yourself and mold yourself to make money? When I was 26 I resigned from my teaching job to pursue a different career. Before beginning a GIS bootcamp, I dedicated about 6 months to taking a bit of a break from working, and to planning my wedding, and going on my honey moon. After that, I did my bootcamp, and then began to apply for the jobs.
In total, I spent about one year unemployed and a lot of the time, I felt worthless and useless because I wasn't making money. I didn't want to feel this way and I realized that feeling this way was quite sad because my worth as a human being is not equivalent to the amount of money I earn or do not earn. My partner and I were living paycheck to paycheck on his salary, and he mentioned feeling like we were failing as a couple because we weren't making the kind of money needed to buy a home.
We are both quarterlifers and we both feel a great amount of anxiety in regards to making money.
I feel angry that for a while I felt useless and worthless because I didn't make money. I feel angry that the values in the society I live in impacted me so much that I felt this way.
I can really relate with a lot of what you’ve said. I’m a 32 year old male. Never been married though. But there is pressure put on us as kids to perform. There’s pressure on us to make good grades, to get good jobs, to get married and have a family, and other stuff. I’m from Louisiana, so I know that that kind of pressure is put on us in the south. I’m sure it’s very similar in all other areas of the US too. All this pressure can have a significant effect on our mental health. I know it definitely increases my general anxiety levels. I feel as though our American culture makes us develop our whole identity around working. It’s like we don’t get to have any other kind of identity. It feels to me like there’s a time limit to how long we have to ask a stranger what they do for work when we are striking up a conversation. As if though that is a mandatory part of how we converse as Americans. I don’t really like it.
But I also go to therapy once a week. I feel like therapy is vital for my development of a healthier mindset and developing healthier behaviors.
We absolutely live in a capitalist society, and that can really harm young developing brains.
I heard a very interesting thing at the eye doctor's the other day in conversation with one of the 50-somethings working there. We were discussing the relationship between money/currency and 20-somethings. She mentioned how frustrating it was to her to have younger employees coming into the office expecting to reach her position and pay level much more rapidly than she did. I and my partner did our best to compassionately receive her frustration and additionally offer some 20-something (and early 30-something) perspective. Starting at 45,000 and gradually, over the course of 20-odd years, climbing the ranks to a terminal salary of 115,000 is no longer acceptable. In the last 5 years (only!) the cost of an 'entry' level home in my neighborhood increased from about $300,000 to around $600,000. That's a down payment of 60-120,000 dollars, and a monthly mortgage (with the current interest rate) of, what, 4000 odd dollars? My partner after many years in a 'high-paying' industry had a salary of over 80,000 and a take home of about 4,000 a month after taxes. So how much does someone our age /actually/ have to make to afford a home with dignity? The ability to feed oneself comfortably? To go on the occasional adventure? To buy new books released by people whose voices we value? Probably a minimum of 115,000, at least in our area. Meanwhile, the older woman's house was paid off, and many of her other overhead costs were lower (I understand of course that she is worried about and saving for end-of-life costs which are also rising rapidly—a separate, though related, conversation), so that same 115,000 goes /much/ further for her than the same amount of money does for a Quarterlifer today. We are officially in an upside-down climate, where people at the start of their careers need to be making their terminal salaries upfront, and then gradually decrease over time as they acquire the various fixed assets which are more or less required in our society in order to fully participate in the public forum as a citizen. How do we hold with compassion the frustration of our elders? How do we reasonably advocate for the complete transformation of a narrative which wholly does not accommodate our present context any longer? Is UBI really enough? "The whole system must be dismantled and done over." Yes, of course. Can this be done without further global catastrophe, without guillotines? We are already in global catastrophe. I hold the immense and mounting tension, precariousness of our situation and pray for an unimaginable transcendent option to set us down a golden path where all can achieve a life of bliss and dignity. At times, praying like this feels like the only reasonable option left at present. And yet, it too feels inadequate.
Oh wow. I really really like what you wrote here. Things just seem so expensive nowadays. Especially a home. I’m 32 and I still live with my mom and dad. That alone makes me feel like a failure. I feel like I am failing because I don’t have a house of my own and a nice car and a nice 401k. There’s a lot of pressure put on young kids nowadays. I started to notice something strange when I was just graduating college in 2013, and a lot of the jobs I was applying for stated that 3-4 years of experience were required for just an entry level position. Like what? It’s an ENTRY LEVEL position. How can I have 3 or more years of experience when I haven’t even gotten the chance to enter the field yet?
For me personally, I am trying to start up an online business that will hopefully be profitable. If I can do that, then I can potentially move out of America, and live in a country that is more affordable. The way things are going in America......I am quite concerned. If I ever have kids.....I don’t really want them to grow up here.
I send my greatest blessings and comaraderie, wishes your way. For success, for a window into bliss on your path. None of this is easy. We are here together.
Thank you for this. Everything you wrote is so important. Yes, yes, yes.
Thank you for sharing this perspective. I resonate with all of this so much. I’ve read this three times. The reductionist view that ‘The numbers are fine, so why aren’t the people?’ Is so frustrating and limiting.
With Facebook introducing the like button in 2009, it feels plausible that it would take until 2011 for the systemic shift in self-conception it caused to be statistically represented.
I deeply resonate with this. I really just don’t like how things are going.