Tucker Carlson's father, Dick Carlson, was strongly instrumental in saving PBS and its parent company, Corporation for Public Broadcasting from the Republican budget ax when there was a strong move to cut all Federal funding for it. Dick Carlson was at the time the head honcho i.e. CEO of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. I remain grateful to him for this.
Tucker's mother left the family when he was six, and according to Tucker her motive was to pursue a "bohemian lifestyle". Tucker seems to have resented anything "bohemian" ever since.
Carlson bears a modest physical resemblance to a fictional conservative, the character of Alex Keaton on the sitcom "Family Ties", who also(!) had a father who worked for PBS except the ideological rift was larger on the TV show, and Tucker Carlson has aged better than Michael J. Fox.
There's a YouTube channel called "Hysteria" which is rather venomous and has a series of videos on people the hosts (Erin Ryan and Alyssa Mastromonaco) think are awful. They are awfully nasty, but this is heavily offset by their having a LOT of info on the early life (both childhood and early career) of the people whom they are pillorying. They have a 28 minute video on Tucker C which has a lot of information on his early life. Venomous, but thoroughly and meticulously researched!!!
I, of course, have my moments of venomous feeling. In many weaker moments, I have experienced much schadenfreude that TCs name rhymes with "trucker" and "pucker".
Here are Tucker Carlson and Michael J Fox in character as Alex Keaton.
As for your question, Satya, I have not gotten a lot out of men's groups, but have definitely had some strategies for coping with the malaise of modern masculinity.
1) Try to see the real human faces in men who appear to be toxic. This may be easier said than done. I can do this with Nixon; I cannot with Trump. (Garry Wills' bio of the former is a tremendous help) I can do it for Holocaust survivor Roman Polanski, but not with Jeffrey Epstein. (Polanski between the age of 6 & 12 lived homeless on the streets of Crakow Poland while his parents were in a Nazi concentration camp.) Do what you can with this.
2) Take responsibility without ever wallowing in shame.
3) Learn the difference between authentically respecting and indeed liking yourself and while not being a prick. A truly humble person is someone who realizes that none of his good qualities are self-generated but all their goodness is a gift from the cosmos. (Rush Limbaugh's "Talent on Loan from God" does not qualify for this for I hope obvious reasons.)
4) Learn a LOT about female emotions. Learn how to develop your feminine side without feeling in any way emasculated. Read women's novels and girl's novels also. You can learn a lot from deep readings of the Bronte sisters and the Anne of Green Gables books. I have been in dozens of groups where I am just about the only male, and I cannot overstate how much I have valued this experience.
5) One of my favorite passages in Shakespeare is one little celebrated. The evil King Richard III has a moment of crisis after seeing the ghosts of all the people he killed. He complains that no one loves him. He then says, Well I love myself. He then has a sudden moment of realization that NO, he actually hates himself, and that all these horrible things he thought(!!!) were motivated by self-love were actually(!!!) motivated by self-hate!! This passage IMO strikes right at the heart of everything(!) wrong with St. Augustine's "City of God", and says a lot about what is wrong with Western European models of masculinity.
PS I have wondered why I like James Bond and Clint Eastwood movies but John Wayne has never at all clicked for me. A partial explanation is that the former often seem to be wiser(!!) than the story's antagonist and that the latter is often suffering from extreme overconfidence which the Greeks called hubris, while Wayne often seems little more than a lean and mean tough guy. I want to explore this side of myself further. The James Bond of Fleming's novels is dozens of times more psychologically layered and complex than his film counterpart.
This is such a powerful article. As you do so often Satya, the way you pull the threads of this story together really struck me on the heart level. As you say, there are examples of healthy masculinity out there but they are not given the airtime and space that the toxic versions occupy easily. I deeply appreciate and share your intention "...to do a better job of amplifying those voices and help to fuel a future in which men are not feared or beaten in their homes but adored". I want to be part of co-creating a world where this is the case, and I feel like women's empowerment (which I am so activated + passionate about) is inextricably linked to this evolution for men. As others have said, there is no such thing as one-sided liberation.
Thank you, Satya, for so powerfully articulating not only the pathology in Carlson's message but also a brighter, more beautiful vision for the future. I'm very grateful for the resources you listed and the ones others have shared in the comments.
Thank you, Satya. I found your work through the grace of a young man who is walking the path of the wounded healer. What good fortune to have met him and now you… A prophetic voice crying in the wilderness of these troubled times.
I would like to recommend adding the name, Andrew Forsthoefel to your list of resources. He publishes The Little Courtyard on Substack and works in restorative justice in the state of Maine. He is at work on a book about this very topic, toxic masculinity, and how to live within a culture that offers scarce alternatives for how to be healthy boys and men. His first book, Walking to Listen, could never have come to print without his own healing/healed masculinity, guiding his words and steps. I commend his writing to you all.
Unfortunately, as a man who grew up in Florida in a conservative Christian home 30-40 years ago, I can attest to the "Daddy's home" threat not being a new thing at all. That was just the way it was, for me and many of my friends. As someone else commented, I do think we are seeing a backlash and a rise of un-earned claims to power by men even greater than the men of my fathers and grandfathers generations. What is missing in my opinion is actual ordeals of initiation into adulthood for all genders and healthy models that illustrate what healthy masculine, feminine, and non-binary leadership looks like and how they can be similar and different. In essense, actual individuation through sacrifice, not stepping into false images of ideals or leadership. Others have recommended great books which do have some good ideas, but in my opinion it is not books that can make healthy men (or any gender of person), but direct personal life experience that involves suffering and sacrifice.
Thank you. As a father of three and a faith leader, I so appreciate your thoughtful comments. We need to cultivate a multitude of images of what a man can be to drown out and put away for this ridiculous patriarchal view that has been at the head of the table for far too long.
Thank you for this post—so very important. Here are some book recommendations: “The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine” by Sophie Strand (resituating some of the enduring stories and myths with a deep connection to nature — achingly beautiful); “The Bones and Breath: A Man’s Guide to Eros, the Sacred Masculine, and the Wild Soul” by L.R. Heartsong; “Iron John” by Robert Bly; “Fire in the Belly” by Sam Keen (read this a long time ago — hope it still holds up). On my list to read are “Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation” by Richard Rohr; and “The Hidden Spirituality of Men:Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine” by Matthew Fox.
I really recommend checking out the book, "Don't think like an elephant - know your values and frame the debate" by George Lakoff. He's a political linguist who argues that the left loses because we struggle to effectively frame our values. Something he points out is the major difference in framing and values of liberals vs conservatives is how we view the family. The left views the family as a nurturing model, and that impacts our politics (welfare, social programs, etc). The right, however, has a "strict father" framework that impacts THEIR politics (ie if you do something bad, you get punished by daddy - see No Child Left Behind).
Tucker Carlson was preaching the strict father values of his party - it was crazy to see how literally that played out.
Hi there! :) Yup, read the book in 2005 and it left a major impact. His linguistic framing suggestions is what led the gay rights movement to reframe "gay marriage" to "marriage equality." I would notice the literal shift in people's faces when I started to talk about "marriage equality" - it's MUCH harder to argue against equality right? (his 2014 book included a conversation on the marriage equality win :)
In his books he advocated for framing abortion and reproductive rights as an issue of freedom - freedom from the government to make decisions about our bodies. Because freedom is very much a conservative value. And he was right - last year when we were trying to get abortion rights on the ballot in Ohio, we surveyed Ohioans on messaging and asked them what values framework most resonated with them when it came to defending abortion rights. The messaging of freedom from government control won. So we reframed, and renamed our campaign "Ohioans for Reproductive Freedom." Ohio passed abortion rights by a landslide.
Love that you brought up Kamala's campaign! When I saw her campaign video, I was SO happy to see how heavily she emphasized the freedom message. I was like yay, the left is starting to get it! As you said though, it may take a while. But I have hope! :)
America is still failing to process multiple generations of male anger transmitted continuously…anger originating in part from two World Wars and a depression plus Korea, Vietnam and Iraq/Afghanistan. We have no collective rituals to process this anger effectively…
Very sad. I know there’s been progress and this is the backlash. Hopefully most boys and men will come to realize the emptiness and disconnection that comes with this way of being in the world. I remember as a child when we saw my grandfather’s truck pull into the driveway, we would yell, grandpa’s here, hide!! And we would, until he left the house. All the love and affection he missed for his living up to the patriarchal ideal of power and control through meanness and intimidation.
Thank you so much for speaking to this awful event and the social structure that allows, supports, and perpetuates this kind of thinking and rhetoric. So important, thank you!
So well said, Satya, and thank you for this compassionate framing. It really feels like we're going through a chrysalis moment in our society; it is so painful, and what's on the other side is so frighteningly unknown. I pray we come out better for it and ready to heal together. But, wow. I mean every day, it's just wow, this is happening.
oh goodness I couldn't even get through this because of how horrifically awful those words people say are. thank you for writing this.
Tucker Carlson's father, Dick Carlson, was strongly instrumental in saving PBS and its parent company, Corporation for Public Broadcasting from the Republican budget ax when there was a strong move to cut all Federal funding for it. Dick Carlson was at the time the head honcho i.e. CEO of the Corporation for Public Broadcasting. I remain grateful to him for this.
Tucker's mother left the family when he was six, and according to Tucker her motive was to pursue a "bohemian lifestyle". Tucker seems to have resented anything "bohemian" ever since.
Carlson bears a modest physical resemblance to a fictional conservative, the character of Alex Keaton on the sitcom "Family Ties", who also(!) had a father who worked for PBS except the ideological rift was larger on the TV show, and Tucker Carlson has aged better than Michael J. Fox.
There's a YouTube channel called "Hysteria" which is rather venomous and has a series of videos on people the hosts (Erin Ryan and Alyssa Mastromonaco) think are awful. They are awfully nasty, but this is heavily offset by their having a LOT of info on the early life (both childhood and early career) of the people whom they are pillorying. They have a 28 minute video on Tucker C which has a lot of information on his early life. Venomous, but thoroughly and meticulously researched!!!
I, of course, have my moments of venomous feeling. In many weaker moments, I have experienced much schadenfreude that TCs name rhymes with "trucker" and "pucker".
Here are Tucker Carlson and Michael J Fox in character as Alex Keaton.
https://photos.app.goo.gl/rdwan7hvqCMDsKpWA
As for your question, Satya, I have not gotten a lot out of men's groups, but have definitely had some strategies for coping with the malaise of modern masculinity.
1) Try to see the real human faces in men who appear to be toxic. This may be easier said than done. I can do this with Nixon; I cannot with Trump. (Garry Wills' bio of the former is a tremendous help) I can do it for Holocaust survivor Roman Polanski, but not with Jeffrey Epstein. (Polanski between the age of 6 & 12 lived homeless on the streets of Crakow Poland while his parents were in a Nazi concentration camp.) Do what you can with this.
2) Take responsibility without ever wallowing in shame.
3) Learn the difference between authentically respecting and indeed liking yourself and while not being a prick. A truly humble person is someone who realizes that none of his good qualities are self-generated but all their goodness is a gift from the cosmos. (Rush Limbaugh's "Talent on Loan from God" does not qualify for this for I hope obvious reasons.)
4) Learn a LOT about female emotions. Learn how to develop your feminine side without feeling in any way emasculated. Read women's novels and girl's novels also. You can learn a lot from deep readings of the Bronte sisters and the Anne of Green Gables books. I have been in dozens of groups where I am just about the only male, and I cannot overstate how much I have valued this experience.
5) One of my favorite passages in Shakespeare is one little celebrated. The evil King Richard III has a moment of crisis after seeing the ghosts of all the people he killed. He complains that no one loves him. He then says, Well I love myself. He then has a sudden moment of realization that NO, he actually hates himself, and that all these horrible things he thought(!!!) were motivated by self-love were actually(!!!) motivated by self-hate!! This passage IMO strikes right at the heart of everything(!) wrong with St. Augustine's "City of God", and says a lot about what is wrong with Western European models of masculinity.
PS I have wondered why I like James Bond and Clint Eastwood movies but John Wayne has never at all clicked for me. A partial explanation is that the former often seem to be wiser(!!) than the story's antagonist and that the latter is often suffering from extreme overconfidence which the Greeks called hubris, while Wayne often seems little more than a lean and mean tough guy. I want to explore this side of myself further. The James Bond of Fleming's novels is dozens of times more psychologically layered and complex than his film counterpart.
This is such a powerful article. As you do so often Satya, the way you pull the threads of this story together really struck me on the heart level. As you say, there are examples of healthy masculinity out there but they are not given the airtime and space that the toxic versions occupy easily. I deeply appreciate and share your intention "...to do a better job of amplifying those voices and help to fuel a future in which men are not feared or beaten in their homes but adored". I want to be part of co-creating a world where this is the case, and I feel like women's empowerment (which I am so activated + passionate about) is inextricably linked to this evolution for men. As others have said, there is no such thing as one-sided liberation.
The Hollow Man: Trump’s Sad Little Masquerade of Manhood
Behind the bluster and red hats lies a brittle brand of masculinity—a hollow charade that cloaks cowardice, denial, and failure.
https://substack.com/home/post/p-151038838?r=4d7sow&utm_campaign=post&utm_medium=web
Thank you, Satya, for so powerfully articulating not only the pathology in Carlson's message but also a brighter, more beautiful vision for the future. I'm very grateful for the resources you listed and the ones others have shared in the comments.
Thank you, Satya. I found your work through the grace of a young man who is walking the path of the wounded healer. What good fortune to have met him and now you… A prophetic voice crying in the wilderness of these troubled times.
I would like to recommend adding the name, Andrew Forsthoefel to your list of resources. He publishes The Little Courtyard on Substack and works in restorative justice in the state of Maine. He is at work on a book about this very topic, toxic masculinity, and how to live within a culture that offers scarce alternatives for how to be healthy boys and men. His first book, Walking to Listen, could never have come to print without his own healing/healed masculinity, guiding his words and steps. I commend his writing to you all.
Unfortunately, as a man who grew up in Florida in a conservative Christian home 30-40 years ago, I can attest to the "Daddy's home" threat not being a new thing at all. That was just the way it was, for me and many of my friends. As someone else commented, I do think we are seeing a backlash and a rise of un-earned claims to power by men even greater than the men of my fathers and grandfathers generations. What is missing in my opinion is actual ordeals of initiation into adulthood for all genders and healthy models that illustrate what healthy masculine, feminine, and non-binary leadership looks like and how they can be similar and different. In essense, actual individuation through sacrifice, not stepping into false images of ideals or leadership. Others have recommended great books which do have some good ideas, but in my opinion it is not books that can make healthy men (or any gender of person), but direct personal life experience that involves suffering and sacrifice.
Thank you. As a father of three and a faith leader, I so appreciate your thoughtful comments. We need to cultivate a multitude of images of what a man can be to drown out and put away for this ridiculous patriarchal view that has been at the head of the table for far too long.
Satya, this is such a powerful response from your strong and articulate voice, I once again feel compelled to urge you to submit it as an op-ed!
And an anthology book of poetry for and about men: “The Rag and Bone Shop of the Heart”, edited by Robert Bly, James Hillman, and Michael Meade.
Thank you for this post—so very important. Here are some book recommendations: “The Flowering Wand: Rewilding the Sacred Masculine” by Sophie Strand (resituating some of the enduring stories and myths with a deep connection to nature — achingly beautiful); “The Bones and Breath: A Man’s Guide to Eros, the Sacred Masculine, and the Wild Soul” by L.R. Heartsong; “Iron John” by Robert Bly; “Fire in the Belly” by Sam Keen (read this a long time ago — hope it still holds up). On my list to read are “Adam’s Return: The Five Promises of Male Initiation” by Richard Rohr; and “The Hidden Spirituality of Men:Ten Metaphors to Awaken the Sacred Masculine” by Matthew Fox.
Thank you for this piece Satya!
I really recommend checking out the book, "Don't think like an elephant - know your values and frame the debate" by George Lakoff. He's a political linguist who argues that the left loses because we struggle to effectively frame our values. Something he points out is the major difference in framing and values of liberals vs conservatives is how we view the family. The left views the family as a nurturing model, and that impacts our politics (welfare, social programs, etc). The right, however, has a "strict father" framework that impacts THEIR politics (ie if you do something bad, you get punished by daddy - see No Child Left Behind).
Tucker Carlson was preaching the strict father values of his party - it was crazy to see how literally that played out.
Hi there! :) Yup, read the book in 2005 and it left a major impact. His linguistic framing suggestions is what led the gay rights movement to reframe "gay marriage" to "marriage equality." I would notice the literal shift in people's faces when I started to talk about "marriage equality" - it's MUCH harder to argue against equality right? (his 2014 book included a conversation on the marriage equality win :)
In his books he advocated for framing abortion and reproductive rights as an issue of freedom - freedom from the government to make decisions about our bodies. Because freedom is very much a conservative value. And he was right - last year when we were trying to get abortion rights on the ballot in Ohio, we surveyed Ohioans on messaging and asked them what values framework most resonated with them when it came to defending abortion rights. The messaging of freedom from government control won. So we reframed, and renamed our campaign "Ohioans for Reproductive Freedom." Ohio passed abortion rights by a landslide.
Love that you brought up Kamala's campaign! When I saw her campaign video, I was SO happy to see how heavily she emphasized the freedom message. I was like yay, the left is starting to get it! As you said though, it may take a while. But I have hope! :)
America is still failing to process multiple generations of male anger transmitted continuously…anger originating in part from two World Wars and a depression plus Korea, Vietnam and Iraq/Afghanistan. We have no collective rituals to process this anger effectively…
Very sad. I know there’s been progress and this is the backlash. Hopefully most boys and men will come to realize the emptiness and disconnection that comes with this way of being in the world. I remember as a child when we saw my grandfather’s truck pull into the driveway, we would yell, grandpa’s here, hide!! And we would, until he left the house. All the love and affection he missed for his living up to the patriarchal ideal of power and control through meanness and intimidation.
Thank you so much for speaking to this awful event and the social structure that allows, supports, and perpetuates this kind of thinking and rhetoric. So important, thank you!
So well said, Satya, and thank you for this compassionate framing. It really feels like we're going through a chrysalis moment in our society; it is so painful, and what's on the other side is so frighteningly unknown. I pray we come out better for it and ready to heal together. But, wow. I mean every day, it's just wow, this is happening.